The Perfect First Initial and Last Name – U. Bolt

As in Usain Bolt of Jamaica.  U. Bolt is the perfect first initial and last name combination of an Olympic sprinter.  Add to that, U Bolt won the men’s 100 meter dash in World Record time (9.69 seconds), beating his nearest competition by two tenths of a second.  Sound good?  Well, get this… the Jamaican 6’5″ sprinter started celebrating BEFORE THE RACE WAS OVER.  Yes, he could have run faster.  But, he let up with about 20 meters left.  I guess he wanted to save his energy since he’ll be running the 200 meter dash soon, which he is expected to win.  At least, I expect him to win, and that’s all that matters.  Seriously, the 100 meter race was ridiculous.  The guy literally stopped sprinting with 15 meters left.  He pulled up, started celebrating and jogged home.  I can’t even imagine how fast he would have run it if he ran all out.  U Bolt, indeed!

Who or What is Crazy Now?

Olympic doubles table tennis (ping pong).  If you thought Olympic singles ping pong was crazy and you haven’t seen doubles table tennis, then you are in for a treat.  What makes this extra ridiculous is that players must rotate hitting.  In other words, the same teammate can not hit the ball twice in a row, under any circumstances.  Obviously, this means the competitors are constantly jockeying for position and I have no clue how they do it, at all.

Chad Johnson, as usual.  Personally, I am a fan of the antics of Chad Johnson.  Admittedly, a number of people are entirely too uptight about Ocho Cinco’s antics, including the possibility that he may change his last name.

Olympic commentators prone to hyperbole to try to sell Americans.  In other words, most all Olympic commentators.  They constantly focus on the Americans, even if they have no chance of winning.  An American swimmer can be in last place with 35 meters to go and the commentators will focus on that American swimmer, as opposed to the seven other swimmers beating the American.  Sometimes, you don’t even know the name of the winner, because the commentators have been too busy talking about the American – who didn’t even earn a medal.

The Energy of Michael Phelps

I could post another entry explaining that Michael Phelps is sick, but he’s not.  He now has seven gold medals this olympics in seven races.  However, when winning his 7th gold medal, Michael Phelps did NOT set a World Record.  (Just an Olympic Record.  How embarassing, eh?)

Seriously though, today, Michael Phelps wasn’t so much sick as lucky or having karma on his side.  (I have my own theory on this, but I don’t think you can handle it.  Okay, fine, here it is in a nutshell – Phelps won because of energy.)  Anyway, whatever you call it, Michael Phelps won the 100 meter breaststroke by one one-hundredth of a second – or a finger nail – after trailing by about half a body length with about 15 meters to go.

Michael Phelps is Six for Six

In a time of 1:54:23, Michael Phelps won the 200 meter individual medley.  Not only did he just win his sixth gold medal (in six events), Michael Phelps swam to World Records in every single gold medal performance.  He is the epitome of anomaly.  Six races, six gold medals, six world records.  Wow.

Georgia Let Russia Have It

No, I’m not talking about military conflict. I’m talking about action on the Olympic volleyball court, where Georgians Cristine Santanna and Andrezza Chagas beat Russians Natalia Uryadova and Alexandra Shiryaeva in women’s sand volleyball. Final scores: 21-10, 20-22, 12-15. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean the military conflict is over. Actually, days after a truce, it seems Russia has violated the truce and re-invaded Georgia. I guess they were pissed about losing in volleyball.

New Olympic Events

Royal Gymnastic Floor Rumble – It’s the exact same as the Gymnastics Floor Routines, except all competitors compete at the exact same time – attempting to avoid a competitor’s twisting knee to the sternum.

100 Meter Freestyle Pairs Siamese Swim – It’s like those potato sack races where you’re attached at the hip with a partner, only instead of sacks competitors are tied together at the waist.

Synchronized Vault – A combination of sychronized diving and the gymnastics vault events.

Keg Put – Shot put, but with full kegs of beer instead of those wimpy little balls.

Men’s and/or Women’s 64 Seat Rowing Race – This might greatly reduce the number of countries entering the event, but that might be a good thing. Afterall, a less clogged water course may be desirable when those 64 person boats accidentally alter course, into the adjacent lane.

Badminton Beer Pong – ‘Nuff said.

So, what new olympic event would you like to see?

I Hate the Olympics

Every Olympics, without fail, Olympics coverage manages to revolve – unbelievably – around gymnastics and figure skating. I’ve got nothing against gymnastics and figure skating, except for the fact that I’m not really interested in watching them, for the most part. So, I guess I have just about everything against them, to be perfectly honest.

I think they take too long. Or, at least it seems like they take too long since coverage seems to go on and on and one. For Olympic viewers, they seem to require endurance. On the other hand, swimming and running have events lasting under a minute. That’s the type of ADD event I can get into. Also, multiple people compete at once, so you can see who’s winning and why. With gymnastics and figure skating, I correlate it to the following:

A 100 meter freestyle swim in which each swimmer goes one at a time. How boring! Furthermore, it seems like the constant innundation of women’s gymnastics promotes pedophilia (notice how I save my good theories for the bottom of my blog posts, for the truly dedicated and, therefore, less likely to take offense). But, I’m serious. Why else are they parading around 14 year old girls in leotards reminiscent of swimsuits? And the things they do – if they have any real world practical application – can only be associated with antics in the bedroom – the splits, hand stands, upside down leg thrusts (I think I made that one up). Well, you can tune in for yourself to see what I mean. (Got that, pedophiles?) Seriously, they can do standing splits. Come on!

I Like the Olympics

Synchronized diving is whack! Meaning, I just saw multiple synchronized diving partners do what were, literally, sychronized dives, as far as I could tell (one of them actually recieved a perfect 10). Of course, those divers are currently in 1st (China) and a three-way tie for 2nd (United States). Anyway, it’s silly how harmonized these Olympic divers are. But, when else would I even see synchronized diving? What other big sychronized diving events are there?

I don’t know. Maybe that’s the allure of the Olympics. Once every four years, you see something you would not otherwise see. Something you’ve perhaps never seen before. And, it obviously amazes. How much practice does it take? How much dedication? And, how does one end up becoming an Olympic synchronized diver?

Then, there’s China, which has synchronized diving celebrities – that are reprimanded by their Olympic teams for being too commercial and being too much of a celebrity.

I suppose the Olympics are about all the different stories behind all the competitors. But, I definitely watch the Olympics differently than I did as a child. When I was kid, I rooted for my home country, unequiviocally, without question. Now, not so much. I find myself watching without rooting for anyone in particular. Although, I rooted for the United States Men’s Indoor Volleyball team to beat Venezuela in the fifth set after they lost their two set lead.

Do NOT Apologize!

Some United States Olympian cyclists recently arrived in Beijing for the 2008 Olympics wearing masks. You know, because the air quality in Beijing is horrible. They wore masks as a precautionary measure. Subsequently, media outlets jumped on them for protecting their own health!

Whether it sent an environmental or political message is irrelevant. The US cyclists were concerned – and have every right to be – and wore masks. It’s something called FREEDOM. This world has gotten too insanely PC. So much so that you can’t protect your own health without being questioned. Are you serious? Seriously!

The cyclists apologized after media outlets jumped on them. But, F that! They say they understand how the act may have been misconstrued. So, they did the PC thing. Well, I don’t care being politically correct. I say, they do not have to apologize. Heck, I applaud them. Someone needs to.